Weddage

So, the first of my close college friends got married a year ago, and held a ceremony today. This meant several things:

Free drinks?
Yes, free drinks.

Formal wear?
Yes, for me, though there were some doing the dress shirt and jeans look.

Soul-destroying juxtaposition?
Not so fast, overtly negative being of my own creation! Allow me to present several different facets keeping this ceremony from completely crushing the single guests, and the all-too-easy solutions to these errors. While I may not be a wedding planner, I know how to make people like me depressed.

-Nobody cried at this wedding.
Ouch. Couldn't you at least make sure that you enlisted one emotional wreck for ambience?

-The whole group seemed over it.
Again, this could have been so easily avoided. Remember that one "friend" who basically pees him or herself when you so much as personally sign a restraining order? That person, while blocked on your phone and dead to you in spirit, will doggedly pursue a group consensus that you and your wedding are the pinnacle of love and humankind. It will be necessary to change phone numbers later, but creepy cheerleaders at least make everyone know you've got some clout.

-No one danced.
Um...there's...I don't know...a little song called "Funkytown," as in "won't you take me to." As far as I know this song is available in multiple playable formats. You know who doesn't dance to Funkytown? Communists. And if you're in deep with the Reds, wedding dancing is of little concern.

And, Finally:
-No single women.
Despite the fact that this is self-explanatory in nature, allow me to explain, in dual-equation format:

mixed crowd (including single girls) + free booze = delectable chaos

committed crowd (few to no singles) + free booze = questions regarding availability of transportation home

Ask any physicist, these are inarguable laws of the universe.

Anyway, I was curious as to whether or not the enmity toward the groom by the groom's friends would result in any trouble. It didn't, but only because we, the groom's theoretical friends, are not about to kick a man whose "day" lands with early exits and apathy. I can't help but root for the married couple now, because they are an underdog rather than a favorite. I hope that the inauspicious nature of this event is not duplicated in the forthcoming chronology of life for the couple of the day.